How to Vomit Like a Minister

“As God’s steward….be hospitable, a lover of goodness, prudent, upright, devout, and self-controlled.”
--Titus 1:8


Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control

Our home is filled with melodrama. Our sixteen and twelve year old daughters have a passion for writing and story telling, and too often the drama on the page spills over into real life. Whether it is clothing or politics, there are far too many emotions expressed in our home. They don’t just wear their feelings on their shirt sleeve, as the old saying goes. It is projectile vomiting.

The other morning, my twelve year old was spewing about God-knows-what, and without pause I yelled, “Can you please repress your feeling!” Someday, a psychologist will be thanking me for making her very wealthy.

The temptation to spew our feelings about the frustrations of ministry is overwhelming. We just have to unload, get it out, explode. At the right time and with the right person—who is not always your spouse—it is perfectly healthy to do some ministerial vomiting.


However, most situations are not the right time and most people in your congregation are not the appropriate people. Most of them are innocent bystanders who had no hand in causing your frustrations. For those who are accomplices in the demise of your ministry, chances are they are broken people for whom your ranting will only reinforce their dysfunctions and sins rather than lead them to healing.

The temptation to stop being in control, even for just a few minutes, often obscures the fact that it is us who may have caused the problem in the first place. When we are out of control we cannot see where we have fallen short in our leadership or the ways our own brokenness has created these problems. We may have brought it on ourselves but taking it out on other church members is a way for us to avoid seeing our own guilt.

Self-control must be a fundamental discipline for any church leader for two reasons. One, self-control protects the vision of the church. If you can keep the vision of the ministry constantly before you then you will understand why it is essential to practice self-control. You do not want your temporary desire for an emotional release to damage the long-term prospects of your ministry.

Two, self-control nurtures the spiritual resources for achieving the vision. Sophocles used the word to mean someone who is “in possession of power.” There is a spiritual power of one’s gifts which are given by the Holy Spirit. The discipline of self-control helps you channel the energy of one’s spiritual gifts in cooperation with the Spirit. If you do not possess self-control you are making it harder for the Spirit to work through you.


It is easier to maintain self-control when you know that you have the power of the Holy Spirit. If the Spirit is inspiring your ministry then you know that everything will work together for God’s glory and that set backs and modifications are to be welcomed. Even opposition and apathy is tolerable because we have the perspective of spiritual power which reminds us that God is in control—of the situation and of us.


Repression isn’t such a bad thing because it allows the Holy Spirit greater expression. We may not get to say anything we want any time we want, but it will allow God to say more and do more in our church.